2013년 11월 29일 금요일

About 'bethel bible college'|At Bethel Bible College







About 'bethel bible college'|At Bethel Bible College








The               Twilight               of               an               Actor               A               few               months               after               appearing               in               Jim               Cartwright's               bitter-sweet               two-hander               "Two",               I               performed               in               one               final               play               at               the               Rose               and               Crown               theatre,               the               character-driven               comedy               "Lovelives".

Written               entirely               by               the               cast,               it               consisted               of               a               series               of               sketches               centring               on               the               disastrous               antics               of               a               group               of               singletons               who'd               come               together               at               a               lonely               hearts               club               in               the               suburbs.

Perhaps               then               it               chimed               perfectly               with               the               spirit               of               British               post-war               comedy               and               its               characteristic               celebration               of               banality               and               even               failure.

A               great               success               at               the               R&C,               it               could               in               my               view               have               been               developed               into               a               television               play               or               even               series,               but               sadly,               as               is               all               too               often               the               case,               a               brilliant               cast               dispersed               after               the               final               show.


               Later               in               '95,               I               played               two               small               roles               in               a               production               at               the               Tristan               Bates               theatre               near               Leicester               Square               of               the               famous               Greek               tragedy               "Iphigeneia               in               Taurois",               written               by               Euripides               somewhere               between               414               and               412               BC,               these               being               Pylades,               constant               companion               of               the               main               character               Orestes,               and               the               Messenger,               who               I               played               as               a               maniacal               fool               with               the               kind               of               "refined"               English               accent               once               supposedly               affected               by               policemen               and               non-commissioned               officers.

Directed               by               a               close               friend,               the               houses               were               sparse               at               first,               picking               up               towards               the               end               of               the               run.


               A               few               months               later               in               January               '96,               I               joined               a               Christian               theatre               company               based               at               the               Elim               Pentecostal               church               in               West               Croydon,               Surrey               called               Street               Level,               going               on               to               serve               variously               as               MC,               script               writer,               actor,               singer               and               musician               with               two               other               members,               married               company               leader               Sally,               and               19               year               old               Esther               from               nearby               Sanderstead.


               Together,               we               toured               a               series               of               shows               around               schools               in               various               -               usually               tough               -               multicultural               areas               of               South               East               London.

One               of               these,               "Choices",               was               almost               entirely               written               by               me,               although               it               had               been               based               on               an               idea               by               Sally               who               also               heavily               edited               it               for               performance               purposes.

On               the               whole,               the               kids               were               incredibly               receptive               to               our               productions,               and               we               were               greeted               by               them               with               an               almost               uniform               affection,               and               there               was               an               incredible               chemistry               between               Sally,               Esther               and               myself...and               then               things               started               to               go               wrong.


               Towards               the               end               of               the               summer,               Sally               asked               me               to               write               a               large               scale               project               for               the               group,               suggesting               a               contemporary               version               of               John               Bunyan's               classic               Christian               allegory               "The               Pilgrim's               Progress".

This               I               set               about               doing,               and               after               some               weeks               of               labouring               over               what               turned               out               to               be               an               unwieldy               and               often               violent               epic               marked               by               scenes               of               the               blackest               humour,               I               started               to               have               second               thoughts               about               carrying               on               with               Street               Level.

The               play,               "Paul               Grim's               Progress",               had               left               me               in               a               bad               way,               and               I               didn't               fancy               too               many               more               of               the               long               and               costly               train               journeys               that               were               necessary               to               get               me               to               Croydon               and               back.

Consequently               I               began               to               withdraw,               which               wasn't               a               very               kind               thing               to               do               because               Sally               had               started               to               depend               on               me,               especially               since               Esther's               departure               at               the               end               of               the               "Choices"               tour.

What's               more,               she'd               taken               on               the               responsibility               of               new               productions,               and               the               training               of               a               fresh               crew               of               young               Christian               actors.


               As               things               turned               out,               "Paul               Grim's               Progress"               was               never               produced,               which               is               not               surprising               because               although               artistically               it               was               a               good               piece,               it               was               overly               dark               for               a               Christian               play,               with               some               scenes               like               something               out               of               a               horror               movie.

In               terms               of               my               Christian               life,               I               was               still               only               a               little               over               three               years               old,               and               it               showed.

In               time               I               destroyed               all               but               a               few               pages               of               it.


               By               the               time               I               made               my               final               exit               from               Street               Level,               I'd               long               defected               from               Cornerstone               to               the               Thames               Vineyard               Christian               Fellowship,               part               of               the               Association               of               Vineyard               Churches               founded               by               John               Wimber               in               the               1970s.

This               was               as               a               result               of               being               told               by               a               phone               friend               that               the               Vineyard               movement               contained               members               whose               spiritual               gifts               were               in               the               realm               of               the               truly               exceptional.

My               curiosity               aroused,               I               went               along               one               Sunday               evening               and               had               a               powerful               experience               which               made               me               want               to               stay;               and               so               I               did.


               As               with               Cornerstone               I               joined               a               Home               Fellowship               group               where               I               completed               part               of               the               Alpha               course,               which               had               been               pioneered               by               Nicky               Gumbel               of               West               London's               famous               Holy               Trinity               Brompton.

I'd               visited               HTB               at               some               point               in               the               mid               '90s,               when               it               was               at               the               height               of               the               revival               movement               known               as               the               Toronto               Blessing.

This               was               so               called               because               it'd               been               ignited               in               January               1994               at               the               Toronto               Airport               Vineyard               Church               by               St.

Louis               Vineyard               pastor               Randy               Clark,               who'd               himself               received               it               from               South               African               evangelist               Rodney               Howard               Brown               during               a               service               at               Rhema               Bible               Church               in               Tulsa,               Oklahoma,               then               pastored               by               Kenneth               Hagin               Jr.,               father               of               the               Word               of               Faith               movement.

Word               Faith               being               now               one               of               the               major               strains               of               Charismatic               Christianity,               with               its               emphasis               on               "Positive               Confession".


               The               Anointing               spread               to               the               UK               in               the               summer               of               1994               where               it               was               eventually               dubbed               The               Toronto               Blessing               by               The               Daily               Telegraph.

Its               main               centres               included               HTB,               Terry               Virgo's               New               Frontiers               family               of               churches               and               Gerald               Coates'               Pioneer               People.

Pioneer's               centre               at               the               time               was               a               cinema               in               the               Surrey               suburb               of               Esher,               which               I               visited               a               couple               of               times,               and               which               was               so               packed               that               I               was               forced               to               stand               all               throughout               the               service,               a               situation               which               was               duplicated               when               I               dropped               in               at               the               London               HQ               of               the               Universal               Church               of               the               Kingdom               of               God               one               afternoon               around               about               the               same               time.

Like               many               Charismatic               churches,               UCKG               upholds               the               Fivefold               ministry,               and               so               believes               that               the               five               gifts               referred               to               in               Ephesians               4:11,               namely               Apostle,               Prophet,               Evangelist,               Pastor               and               Teacher,               are               still               in               operation.


               My               last               hurrah               as               an               actor               came               in               the               spring               of               '98,               when               I               started               rehearsing               for               a               production               of               Shakespeare's               infamous               Scottish               Play,               to               be               staged               at               Fulham's               Lost               Theatre               in               the               summer.

And               despite               the               fact               that               my               three               cameos               -               as               Lennox,               the               Doctor,               and               an               Old               Man               -               were               praised               by               cast               and               audience               members               alike,               I've               not               acted               since               beyond               a               handful               of               ill-fated               auditions.

What's               more,               while               I'm               still               open               to               the               possibility               of               film               or               TV               work,               the               likelihood               of               my               ever               appearing               onstage               in               a               play               again               is               virtually               nonexistent.

Quite               simply,               the               passion               to               perform               in               front               of               a               live               audience               that               raged               within               me               like               a               forest               fire               for               more               than               two               decades               has               long               been               extinguished,               or               rather               turned               to               dread.


               Some               months               after               my               final               performance               at               the               Lost               Theatre               I               wrote               the               prose               piece               that               eventually               turned               into               "Such               a               Short               Space               of               Time".

Its               creation               took               place               in               what               I               recall               as               the               glorious               summer               of               1999               which               was               of               course               the               last               of               the               millennium,               and               my               parents               were               on               vacation               at               the               time,               so               I               was               often               at               the               house               where               I'd               spent               my               adolescence               and               young               manhood,               performing               a               variety               of               tasks               such               as               watering               my               mother's               flowers,               or               just               simply               soaking               up               the               atmosphere               of               a               place               I               loved.


               Taking               sneaky               advantage               of               my               parents'               absence               I               transferred               some               of               my               old               vinyl               records               onto               cassette,               something               that               my               own               ancient               hi-fi               was               incapable               of               doing.

It               was               an               unsettling               experience...to               listen               to               songs               that,               perhaps               in               the               cases               of               some               of               them,               I'd               not               heard               for               ten               or               fifteen               years,               or               more,               and               which               evoked               with               a               heartrending               intensity               a               time               in               my               life               when               I               was               filled               to               the               brim               with               sheer               youthful               joy               of               life               and               undiluted               hope               for               the               future.


               Yet               as               I               did               so,               it               seemed               to               me               that               it               was               only               very               recently               that               I'd               first               heard               them,               despite               the               colossal               changes               that'd               taken               place               since,               not               just               in               my               own               life               but               those               of               my               entire               generation.

And               so               I               was               confronted               at               once               with               the               devastating               transience               of               human               life,               and               the               effect               the               passage               of               time               exerts               on               us               all.
               Such               a               Short               Space               of               Time
               I               love...not               just               those...


               I               knew               back               then,               
               But               those...


               Who               were               young               
               Back               then,               
               But               who've               since               
               Come               to               grief,               who...


               Having               soared               so               high,               
               Found               the               
               Consequent               descent               
               Too               dreadful               to               bear,               
               With               my               past               itself,               
               Which               was               only               
               Yesterday,               
               No...even               less               time...


               A               moment               ago,               
               And               when               I               play               
               Records               from               1975,               
               Soul               records,               
               Glam               records,               
               Progressive               records,               
               Twenty               years               melt               away               
               Into               nothingness...


               What               is               a               twenty-year               period?


               Little               more               than               
               A               blink               of               an               eye...


               How               could               
               Such               a               short               space               
               Of               time               
               Cause               such               devastation?
               Dispersals               and               Beginnings
               A               few               months               later               and               the               troubled,               turbulent               20th               Century               gave               way               to               the               21st               to               the               sound               of               fireworks               frantically               exploding               all               throughout               my               neighbourhood.


               Phoning               my               father               that               night               to               wish               him               a               happy               new               year               I               discovered               that               my               mother               was               desperately               ill               with               flu.

It's               crossed               my               mind               since               that               she               may               have               become               susceptible               to               the               flu               virus               partly               as               a               result               of               stress               caused               by               the               fact               that               I'd               latterly               quit               yet               another               course;               this               time               an               MA               in               French               and               Theory               of               Literature               from               University               College,               London,               which               was               one               of               the               most               prestigious               of               its               kind               in               the               world.

In               time               though,               her               incredible               Scots-Irish               constitution               -               shared               by               so               many               of               the               early               pioneers               of               the               American               South               and               West               -               saw               her               through               to               a               complete               recovery.


               I'd               found               the               course               magnetically               compelling               on               an               intellectual               level,               despite               an               awareness               that               writing               extensively               about               Literary               Theory               might               come               increasingly               to               disturb               me,               and               perhaps               even               challenge               my               faith,               given               its               emphasis               on               what               is               known               as               Deconstruction,               a               term               coined               by               French               philosopher               Jacques               Derrida.

I               withdrew               on               the               advice               of               one               or               two               members               of               the               church               I               was               attending               at               the               time,               Liberty               Christian               Centre,               a               satellite               of               the               Kensington               Temple,               another               London               church               which               had               been               receptive               to               the               Anointing               as               well               as               the               subsequent               Brownsville               Revival,               and               part               of               the               Elim               Pentecostal               movement.

It's               a               decision               that's               haunted               me               ever               since...although               its               rightness               was               recently               corroborated               by               an               American               pastor               whose               sermons               are               among               the               most               brilliant               I've               ever               heard.


               Subsequent               to               making               it               I               started               playing               guitar               for               Liberty               at               the               urging               of               my               friend               Marina,               Russian               wife               of               Pastor               Louis               of               New               York               City.

She               went               on               to               become               worship               leader,               alternating               as               such               with               Martha,               another               close               friend,               originally               from               Peru.

It               was               Louis               who'd               got               in               touch               with               me               the               previous               summer               through               KT               about               joining               a               cell               group               at               his               home               in               the               Surrey               suburbs.

This               eventually               mutated               into               Liberty,               with               which               I               forged               very               close               ties               from               the               outset.

Then,               shortly               after               agreeing               to               be               Liberty's               lone               musician,               I               quit               my               position               as               a               telephone               canvasser               for               an               e-commerce               company               based               in               Surbiton,               Surrey,               thus               bringing               a               fairly               lengthy               period               spent               as               an               office               worker               to               an               end.


               A               real               change               in               my               professional               fortunes               came               around               Christmastime               when               I               was               made               lead               singer               for               Nuages,               a               Jazz               band               named               after               the               instrumental               by               the               great               French               Gypsy               Swing               guitarist               Django               Reinhard,               which               had               earlier               been               formed               by               Barrie,               an               old               friend               of               my               father's               going               on               to               be               complemented               at               various               times               by               my               dad,               bass               player               John,               and               myself.

We               went               on               to               cut               several               very               fine               demos               arranged               by               Barrie,               but               they               didn't               result               in               the               interest               they               deserved,               given               the               talent               involved.


               In               early               '01,               Pastor               Louis               decided               to               dissolve               Liberty,               which               was               a               sad               event               for               all               of               us,               so               I               made               yet               another               return               to               Cornerstone,               to               be               joined               there               by               Martha               and               a               couple               of               other               friends               from               the               LCC.

What's               more,               I               stayed               in               close               touch               with               gifted               guitarist               Paul.

We               cut               a               few               demos               together               of               some               Christian               songs               I'd               written               at               the               inspiration               of               a               visitor               from               KT,               and               may               work               together               again               yet.

Around               about               the               same               time,               while               working               as               a               door-to-door               leafleter,               I               took               a               short               computer               course               at               my               local               adult               education               centre,               but               nothing               came               of               it               in               terms               of               employment.


               The               following               summer,               in               the               wake               of               the               2002               Shelton               Arts               Festival,               Nuages               disbanded,               which               was               a               real               shame               because               we'd               finally               found               the               audience               we'd               been               searching               for               all               along               at               the               festival,               evidenced               by               the               passion               with               which               our               first               performance               there               was               greeted.

The               day               after               our               final               show,               I               started               working               from               home               making               appointments               for               a               travelling               salesman,               and               was               briefly               very               successful               at               it,               until               things               started               tailing               off               in               the               autumn               and               I               was               let               go.

By               this               time               I'd               effectively               left               Cornerstone               for               good,               although               I               have               returned               a               few               times               since.

This               sudden               exit               came               in               consequence               of               a               desire               born               of               intensive               internet               research               to               seek               out               churches               existing               beyond               the               Pentecostal/Charismatic               fold,               these               being               Cessationist,               which               is               to               say               they               don't               accept               that               the               more               spectacular               Gifts               of               the               Holy               Spirit               such               as               Tongues               and               Prophecy               are               still               in               operation.

Up               until               then,               any               church               that               didn't               encourage               the               speaking               in               other               tongues               I'd               not               recognised               as               being               truly               Christian.

That               is               not               the               case               today.


               One               of               my               main               inspirations               during               this               period               of               wandering               was               the               Cessationist               Sermon               Audio               website,               and               I               downloaded               so               many               of               their               sermons               that               my               computer               may've               crashed               as               a               result.

I               was               also               inspired               by               the               many               online               Discernment               Ministries,               although               not               all               of               these               were               -               or               are               -               Cessationist,               and               among               the               churches               I               visited               were               Bethel               Baptist               Church               (Wimbledon),               Christ               Church               (Teddington)               and               Duke               Street               Church,               (Richmond),               all               located               in               the               pleasant               and               affluent               outer               suburbs               of               south               west               London.


               Bethel               is               an               Independent               Fundamentalist               Baptist               church               based               on               the               US               model               and               therefore               using               the               King               James               Version               of               the               Bible               only.

I               went               to               three               possibly               successive               services               at               Bethel,               and               fully               intended               to               return               for               a               fourth               and               so               witness               the               preaching               of               Sermon               Audio               favourite               David               Cloud               of               Way               of               Life               Ministries,               but               never               did.

What               happened               was               that               I               was               held               up               at               Wimbledon               British               Rail               station               for               over               an               hour               on               my               final               Sunday               at               Bethel               and               this               may've               put               me               off               travelling               by               train               to               church,               although               I               was               also               tiring               of               the               constant               new               boy               status               of               the               inveterate               church-hopper.


               Christ               Church               is               part               of               the               Free               Church               of               England               which               separated               from               the               established               C               of               E               in               1844               in               response               to               the               High               Church               Anglicanism               of               the               then               Bishop               of               Exeter,               Henry               Phillpotts.

It's               Evangelical,               as               well               as               liturgical               and               Episcopal,               and               its               member               churches               adhere               to               the               Doctrines               of               Grace,               also               known               as               the               five               points               of               Calvinism,               namely               Total               Depravity,               Unconditional               Election,               Limited               Atonement,               Irresistible               Grace,               and               the               Perseverance               of               the               Saints.

According               to               Calvinism,               those               who               form               part               of               the               Elect               have               been               predestined               to               final               salvation               by               God,               and               that               no               one               can               come               to               saving               faith               through               their               own               free               will               due               to               total               depravity.


               Duke               Street               is               also               a               Grace               (Baptist)               church,               while               Bethel               is               Free               Will.

As               a               result,               many               Calvinists               would               describe               it               as               Arminian,               after               the               Dutch               theologian               Jacobus               Arminius               who               emphasized               free               will               and               individual               responsibility               when               it               comes               to               responding               to               the               Gospel.

They               would               not,               however,               be               entirely               accurate               in               doing               so               because               true               Arminians               maintain               that               salvation               can               be               lost,               while               most               IFB               fellowships               believe               in               the               doctrine               of               Once               Saved               Always               Saved.

In               short,               they               are               neither               Calvinist               nor               Arminian,               which               is               an               oxymoronic               statement               to               some               believers.


               For               me,               all               true               believers               are               united               by               a               clear               adherence               to               certain               key               doctrines               forming               the               basis               of               the               one               true               faith               without               which               there               can               be               no               salvation,               even               when               they               may               be               divided               by               non-saving               inessentials,               or               secondary               truths.

For               example,               while               I'm               an               upholder               of               baptism               by               full               immersion,               I               certainly               don't               believe               adherents               of               infant               baptism               to               be               heretics,               at               least               not               automatically.

On               the               other               hand,               I               have               a               real               problem               with               those               who               maintain               that               a               person               must               be               baptised               in               order               to               be               saved,               because               the               Bible               makes               it               clear               that               we               are               saved               by               faith               alone.

That               said,               every               Christian               should               be               baptised               by               full               immersion               because               God               commands               it,               and               God               urges               us               to               keep               his               commandments.

Also,               while               I               believe               that               Christ's               return               will               be               followed               by               his               establishing               a               literal               thousand               year               reign               on               earth,               which               makes               me               a               pre-millennialist,               a               person               can               insist               that               Christ               won't               return               until               after               the               millennium,               or               that               the               millennium               lies               in               the               past,               and               still               be               a               saved               Christian.

What               are               at               issue               here               are               justifiable               differences               in               scriptural               interpretation.


               Before               2003               which               was               my               year               of               relentless               internet               research,               I'd               known               next               to               nothing               about               the               finer               points               of               my               faith,               although               I               was               fairly               well               versed               in               the               subject               of               prophecy               thanks               to               having               been               introduced               to               this               early               in               my               Christian               life               by               Spencer               and               Grace,               through               various               magazines               and               books               such               as               "Prophecy               Today"               and               the               works               of               Barry               R               Smith.

I               had               no               clue               as               to               the               meaning               of               Calvinism               or               Arminianism,               Predestination               or               Foreknowledge,               Cessationism               or               Continuationism               and               so               on,               but               that               didn't               affect               the               state               of               my               soul,               in               fact,               no               one               is               either               saved               or               damned               by               believing               one               or               the               other               of               these               distinctions,               but               by               faith               alone,               with               true               saving               faith               producing               the               fruits               of               repentance.

No               Christian               has               a               perfect               knowledge               of               the               truth,               but               I               believe               there               is               unity               to               be               found               between               Evangelicals               adhering               to               the               fundamentals               of               the               faith               irrespective               of               what               church               they               choose               to               worship               in,               but               this               can               never               be               achieved               at               the               expense               of               compromising               the               pure               Word               of               God.
               Until               recently               when               I               became               a               member               of               Duke               Street,               I               hadn't               been               settled               within               a               church               since               2001,               which               points               to               a               deep               inner               turbulence               that               I               still               haven't               managed               to               understand...although               it               may               be               at               least               partly               attributable               to               the               fact               that               I               accepted               Christ               relatively               late.

After               all,               the               Bible               makes               it               clear               that               each               person               who               rejects               the               sovereignty               of               the               fleshly               realm               for               Christ's               sake               will               know               incessant               tribulation               and               persecution.

Perhaps               this               is               especially               true               of               repentant               Christians               who               come               to               faith               following               a               relatively               long               period               of               time               within               the               decadent               heart               of               the               world               as               avid               flunkies               of               the               Flesh.

However,               as               comfort               these               late               converts               have               a               true               and               infinitely               worthwhile               purpose               in               life.

This               was               something               that               constantly               escaped               me               in               my               youth,               for               all               the               fierce,               flaming               fanaticism               of               my               beliefs               and               ideals.


               In               many               ways               though               I've               been               my               own               worst               enemy.

One               by               one               I've               had               to               slay               evil               habits               left               over               from               my               pre-Christian               existence.

In               my               early               days               as               a               Christian               for               instance               I               still               entertained               a               fixation               on               the               occult,               albeit               from               a               Christian               perspective.

Now               I               can               barely               stand               to               look               at               pages               filled               with               occult               information               and               symbols.

Most               recently               I've               had               to               address               the               matter               of               my               dress,               which               may               not               seem               very               important               to               some               -               God               looks               at               the               heart               after               all               -               but               I               disagree.

For               close               on               a               decade               I               was               more               or               less               addicted               to               designer               sportswear,               and               among               the               objects               of               my               love               affair               were               shady               baseball               caps,               sweat               tops               with               massive               logos,               flashy               striped               trakkie               Bs,               and               chunky               branded               trainers...and               I               wore               an               ear               stud               to               boot.

Some               Christians               associate               earrings               on               men               with               ancient               pagan               idolatry,               and               specifically               the               notion               of               being               enslaved,               and               that               makes               good               sense               to               me.

I've               recently               come               to               realise               that               if               a               Christian's               outer               appearance               fails               to               reflect               a               changed               life,               he               may               be               cheating               others               of               the               chance               of               coming               to               Christ               through               him.

He               will               also               be               cheating               himself               of               respect,               and               God               of               potential               converts.

In               short,               I               think               it's               time               I               started               looking               like               the               Christian               I               profess               to               be.

Perhaps               then               I               might               actually               start               acting               like               a               person               worthy               of               the               name.


               In               a               general               sense               the               year               2000               turned               out               to               be               something               of               a               turning               point               for               me,               not               just               spiritually,               but               in               terms               of               my               entire               personality,               which               has               become               more               inward               looking,               even               by               the               standards               of               the               previous               seven               years.

Significantly               perhaps,               the               previous               year               had               been               the               first               since               I               was               about               17               that               I               faced               the               world               with               my               hair               its               natural               medium               brown               after               having               dyed               it               for               nearly               three               decades.

What               prompted               this               was               not               a               sudden               loathing               for               the               vanity               of               the               bottle               blond,               but               the               fact               that               the               peroxide-based               streaking               kits               I               favoured               were               causing               me               to               have               breathing               difficulties.

At               first               I               missed               being               blond,               but               in               time               I               came               to               prefer               my               natural               colour               after               years               of               youthful               blond               androgyny.


               For               throughout               my               twenties               and               for               much               of               my               thirties               I               remained               in               a               state               of               extended               adolescence,               blond               being               after               all               the               natural               colour               of               eternal               youth.

As               a               result               I               took               no               real               responsibility               as               a               man               in               the               true               sense               of               the               word,               as               leader,               provider,               protector,               etc,               opting               instead               for               a               variety               of               marginal               male               personas,               such               as               man               about               town               and               dandy,               Punk               agitator,               hellraising               libertine,               self-destructive               genius,               shadowy               man               of               learning               and               so               on               ad               nauseam.

I've               ditched               them               all               as               so               much               pretentious               claptrap.


               I've               elicited               a               lot               of               admiration               in               my               time               for               attempting               to               take               the               romantic               bohemian               rebel               existence               to               its               logical               conclusion               when               all               around               me               were               conforming               at               a               furious               rate,               and               perhaps               still               do.

But               the               price               for               doing               so               has               been               high,               in               terms               of               social               and               financial               humiliation,               for               which               I've               no               one               to               blame               but               myself.

If               I               thought               they'd               listen               I'd               tell               the               young...listen               to               your               parents,               not               the               voices               of               fashionable               rebellion...because               they're               trying               to               protect               you               from               social               failure               out               of               knowledge               of               how               painful               this               is               beyond               a               certain               age.


               Young               people               still               worship               at               the               altar               of               romantic               rebellion               as               they've               done               since               time               immemorial,               but               perhaps               not               to               the               same               degree               as               my               own               poor               generation.

We               came               to               maturity               to               a               frenetic               Rock               soundtrack               in               the               tail-spinning               nineteen               sixties,               and               who               can               say               what               effect               it               had               on               us,               this               music...tailor-made               to               inspire               a               generation               scornful               of               deferred               gratification,               a               generation               of               hipsters.


               However,               Rock               was               far               more               than               another               mere               music               form...being               a               total               art               involving               poetry,               theatre,               fashion,               but               even               more               than               that...a               way               of               life               with               a               strong               spiritual               foundation.

It               could               be               said               that               its               first               true               ancestor               was               the               great               19th               Century               artistic               and               cultural               movement               known               as               Romanticism,               which               reached               a               climax               with               Nietzsche               who               by               declaring               God's               death,               cleared               the               way               for               the               eventual               rule               of               a               Do               Your               Own               Thing               philosophy               so               dear               to               the               heart               of               Rock               and               Roll               culture.

Of               course,               nothing               is               new               under               the               sun,               but               a               strong               case               can               be               made               for               Romanticism               as               having               birthed               the               notion               of               the               artist               as               tormented               genius               at               the               vanguard               of               social               revolution               and               eternally               defiant               of               middle               class               restraint               and               respectability.
               The               March               of               the               Modern
               Tracing               the               history               of               the               artist               as               rebel...it               was               the               great               English               Romantic               poet               Percy               Bysshe               Shelley               who               may've               been               the               first               to               give               expression               to               the               notion               of               an               artistic               avant-garde               by               asserting               that               "Poets               are               the               unacknowledged               legislators               of               the               world".


               Then,               in               the               post-Napoleonic               Paris               of               the               early               1830s,               a               seminal               avant               garde               emerged.

They               were               the               Jeunes-France,               a               band               of               young               Romantic               writers               allegedly               dubbed               the               Bousingos               by               the               press               following               a               night               of               riotous               boozing               on               the               part               of               some               of               their               number.

Their               leading               lights,               among               them               a               fiery               Theophile               Gautier               decades               before               he               became               an               establishment               darling,               cultivated               dandified               and               eccentric               personas               intended               to               shock               the               bourgeoisie,               while               inclining               to               political               radicalism.

Needless               to               say               perhaps,               they               owed               a               great               debt               to               the               earlier               English               and               German               Romantics,               as               well               as               previous               generations               of               dandies,               such               as               the               Muscadins               and               Incroyables               of               the               dying               days               of               the               Revolution.

They               were               the               Rock               and               Roll               bad               boys               of               their               day.


               The               first               Bohemian               wave               eventually               produced               the               Decadents,               and               the               great               Symbolist               movement               in               the               arts,               both               of               which               came               into               being               around               1880,               notably               in               Paris,               where               the               so-called               Decadent               Spirit               was               born,               whose               most               infamous               fruit               could               be               said               to               have               been               the               novel               "Against               the               Grain",               an               account               of               the               sensation-seeking               existence               of               a               reclusive               aristocrat               Jean               des               Esseintes               by               Joris               Karl               Huysmans.


               In               general               though               the               19th               Century               was               assailed               by               a               succession               of               inspired               works               from               the               pens               of               Romantic               rebels,               each               more               ferociously               avant-garde               than               the               one               coming               before,               Baudelaire,               Rimbaud,               Lautréamont,               Jarry               and               especially               Nietzsche,               among               them.

Falling               under               the               latter's               spell               since               his               death               in               1900               have               been               politicians,               writers,               psychologists,               Rock               stars,               anarchists,               and               many               of               the               philosophers               whose               works               have               formed               the               basis               of               the               literary               Theory               that               currently               dominates               Western               academia.

In               short               his               influence               over               the               development               of               the               modern               Western               soul               has               been               incalculable,               perhaps               greater               than               any               other               philosopher               or               artist.


               However,               the               avant-garde               spirit               truly               exploded               on               an               international               scale               with               the               Modernist               movement               in               the               arts,               which               was               at               its               level               of               maximum               intensity               from               about               1890               to               1930.

This               extraordinary               period               birthed               such               masterpieces               of               innovation               as               Stravinsky's               "The               Rite               of               Spring"               (1913),               T.S               Eliot's               "The               Waste               Land"               (1922),               James               Joyce's               "Ulysses"               (1922),               as               well               as               dozens               of               revolutionary               art               movements               including               Expressionism,               Futurism,               Dada               and               Surrealism,               as               well               as               Serialism               in               music,               and               the               ascent               of               Jazz               which               together               with               the               moving               picture               industry               formed               the               bedrock               of               popular               Modernism,               or               pop               culture.

Although               Jazz               was               ultimately               supplanted               by               its               wayward               spawn,               Rock               and               Roll,               also               a               son               of               the               Blues.


               One               possible               definition               of               Modernism               in               an               artistic               sense               is               the               avant-garde               removed               from               its               spiritual               home               of               Paris               and               then               transformed               into               an               international               movement               of               cataclysmic               power               and               influence.

In               terms               of               the               Modern               as               a               cultural               phenomenon,               on               the               other               hand,               some               critics               trace               its               roots               to               the               so-called               Enlightenment               of               the               18th               Century,               which               produced               great               defiance               of               God               on               the               part               of               lofty               Reason,               and               so               for               them,               Modernism               is               a               precursor               of               the               avant-garde,               rather               than               a               spirit               that               arose               out               of               it.

Others               go               even               further               back               into               the               depths               of               Western               history               for               its               origins,               to               the               Renaissance               and               its               revival               of               Classical               Antiquity.

What               is               certain               though               is               that               the               contemporary               West               has               reached               the               very               limits               of               the               Modern               Revolution,               and               one               of               the               results               of               its               having               done               so               as               I               see               it               is               the               mass               acceptance               of               revolutionary               beliefs               once               seen               as               the               preserve               of               the               avant-garde;               especially               with               regard               to               traditional               Christian               morality.


               This               process               could               be               said               to               have               accelerated               to               breakneck               speed               around               1955-'56,               when               both               the               Beat               Movement               and               the               new               Pop               music               of               Rock               'n'               Roll               were               starting               to               make               strong               inroads               into               the               mainstream.

Some               ten               years               after               this,               there               was               a               further               frenetic               increase               in               momentum               as               Pop               began               to               lose               its               initial               sheen               of               innocence,               and               so               perhaps               evolve               into               the               more               diverse               music               of               Rock.

This               coincided               with               the               growth               of               the               Hippie               counterculture.


               The               eclectic               art               of               Rock               went               on               to               run               the               gamut               from               the               most               infantile               pop               ditties               to               complex               compositions               influenced               variously               by               Classical               music,               Jazz,               Folk,               and               other               pre-Rock               music               forms,               and               so               become               an               international               language               disseminating               values               traditionally               seen               as               morally               unconventional               as               no               other               artistic               movement               before               it.

As               a               result,               certain               Rock               artists               attained               through               popular               consumer               culture               a               degree               of               influence               that               previous               generations               of               innovative               artists               operating               within               the               bounds               of               high               culture               could               only               dream               of.
               A               Final               Distant               Clarion               Cry
               I               fell               under               the               influence               of               various               Fundamentalist               Christian               critics               of               Rock               music               for               a               brief               period               in               2003,               which               made               me               feel               inclined               to               destroy               all               traces               of               Rock               music               in               my               possession,               even               though               I'd               long               lost               any               real               taste               for               Hard               Rock               by               then,               whether               in               the               shape               of               Metal,               Punk,               Goth,               Grunge               or               whatever.

However,               by               the               summer               of               2003               my               attitude               had               mellowed               to               the               extent               that               I               felt               able               to               write               about               an               hour's               worth               of               Rock               songs               in               response               to               a               request               from               my               dad               for               songs               for               a               possible               collaboration               with               the               son               of               a               close               friend,               but               these               were               as               far               from               Hard               Rock               as               it's               possible               to               be,               being               influenced               by               such               relatively               benign               and               melodic               genres               as               Folk,               Pop               and               Soul.


               The               songs,               some               new,               some               upgrades               of               old               tunes,               were               recorded               on               a               Sony               CFS-B21L               cassette-corder,               which               I               think               has               been               discontinued,               and               were               generally               well-received               despite               having               been               crudely               recorded.

Pat               even               went               so               far               as               to               suggest               that               I               record               them               properly               in               a               studio,               which               was               a               high               compliment               indeed,               given               that               unlike               me,               he's               a               trained               musician               who's               been               a               professional               since               the               age               of               9,               where               I'm               just               a               primitive               with               an               ear               for               a               catchy               tune.


               A               year               or               so               later               a               project               was               mooted               by               Pat               which               involved               the               recording               of               a               popular               standards               album               featuring               myself               and               harmonica               genius               James               Hughes               as               well               as               his               own               London               Swingtette.

In               spring               2008,               the               CD               was               finally               released               with               the               title               "A               Taste               of               Summer               Wine",               due               to               the               fact               that               Jim's               playing               had               long               been               featured               on               the               much               loved               situation               comedy               "Last               of               the               Summer               Wine",               including               the               theme               by               Ronnie               Hazelhurst,               and               Pat               had               served               as               leader               for               the               show               for               some               time.

A               year               on,               and               the               writing               project               "Rescue               of               a               Rock               and               Roll               Child"               looks               set               to               follow               suit               after               more               than               three               years               of               labour.

It's               the               first               one               I'm               pretty               well               100%               sure               won't               end               up               being               shredded               or               deleted.


               As               I've               stated               elsewhere,               soon               after               becoming               a               Christian               I               destroyed               most               of               what               I'd               written               up               until               that               point,               and               then               wrote               quite               happily               for               a               time               as               a               Christian,               until               it               seems               that               God               called               a               halt               to               my               literary               activities.

It               was               as               if               I               was               being               saturated               with               an               almost               tangible               leaden               darkness               which               took               me               over               to               the               extent               of               altering               the               expression               in               my               eyes.


               Once               again               I               started               destroying               any               writings               I               managed               to               finish,               sometimes               dumping               whole               manuscripts               in               handy               dustbins               or               one               sheet               after               the               other               down               murky               London               drains.

This               went               on               until               about               1998               when               I               more               or               less               gave               up               creative               writing               altogether,               which               is               a               good               job               given               that               these               early               Christian               writings               reflected               a               continuing               preoccupation               with               subjects               that'd               held               me               spellbound               prior               to               my               conversion               such               as               mysticism               and               the               occult,               which               were               being               glorified               through               me               despite               a               false               warning               tone.

This               I               strongly               believe.

What's               more,               some               of               my               writings               mixed               truth               and               fiction               to               produce               a               pointless               and               deceptive               hybrid.


               Finally,               in               January               2006,               I               believe               God               made               it               clear               that               I               was               mature               enough               to               be               able               to               write               again,               and               so               I               started               tentatively               publishing               pieces               at               the               Blogster               website               with               the               first               autobiographical               one               being               written               sometime               around               the               spring               of               2006.

As               things               stand,               I'm               desperately               trying               to               put               the               finishing               touches               to               the               memoir               that               evolved               out               of               them,               in               fact,               since               2006,               I've               done               very               little               except               write,               so               there's               really               not               much               to               say               by               way               of               wrapping               things               up.


               What               I               will               say               is               that               shortly               before               last               Christmas               I               was               accepted               as               a               member               at               Duke               Street               Church,               which               made               me               very               proud,               and               filled               with               gratitude               towards               those               who               supervised               my               application.


               Around               about               the               same               time,               I               was               informed               that               Margaret               my               one-time               mentor               at               Westfield               College               had               died               aged               84               in               her               adopted               village               of               Woodstock,               Oxfordshire.

The               executor               of               her               will,               Christine,               who               was               also               the               publisher               of               her               final               book,               "Proust               et               ses               Contemporains"               in               2006,               asked               me               to               read               one               of               the               lessons               at               her               funeral               and               deliver               a               eulogy               in               the               capacity               of               a               former               student.

This               took               place               in               the               parish               church               of               St               Martin's               in               the               beautiful               village               of               Bladon,               where               Winston               Churchill               is               buried,               which               is               significant               given               that               Margaret               was               one               of               the               founding               members               of               the               Churchill               Centre               and               had               written               on               the               great               man's               relationship               with               the               Christian               faith.

His               parents               and               children               and               other               members               of               his               family               are               also               buried               in               St               Martin's               Church,               Bladon.


               I               discovered               through               Christine               and               her               friend               and               co-executor               Polly               that               Margaret               had               been               born               in               1924               as               an               only               child               of               working               class               parents               in               Lancashire,               but               had               gone               on               to               gain               a               place               at               Oxford               University,               before               becoming               a               lecturer               there               and               then               at               Westfield.

What               an               ascent...from               humble               northern               roots               to               a               lectureship               at               the               most               hallowed               place               of               learning               in               history...little               wonder               she               was               so               fragile,               almost               febrile               as               a               person,               but               so               kind,               so               single-minded               in               her               devotion               to               those               who               shared               her               passionate               view               of               art               and               life.


               It               was               such               a               sad               experience               for               me               to               be               reunited               with               Margaret               after               nearly               a               quarter               of               a               century               while               being               unable               to               communicate.

It               made               me               realise               how               important               it               is               to               stay               close               to               friends               and               family,               because               there               comes               a               time               when               it               is               no               longer               possible               to               reconcile               with               them.

It's               too               late;               they've               gone;               and               the               world               is               always               so               much               the               poorer               for               their               sudden               absence               and               silence.


               What               else               have               I               done               since               2006?

How               have               I               spent               my               time?

As               I               mentioned               earlier,               much               of               it               has               been               devoted               to               writing,               but               I               also               sporadically               seek               out               work,               both               artistic               and               otherwise.

I               recently               acquired               a               good               many               friends               at               the               enormously               popular               Face               Book               social               networking               site,               most               from               my               Guildhall               and               Westfield               days,               which               was               a               source               of               great               joy               to               me.

My               reclusive               body               may               have               become               sluggish               through               the               melancholy               brought               by               age               and               vicissitude,               but               I've               a               heart               that               teems               with               affection               for               the               friends               of               my               past.


               In               terms               of               my               online               life,               every               so               often               I               find               myself               immersed               in               a               labyrinthine               search               for               information               related               to               a               subject               that               has               me               briefly               in               its               thrall.

As               a               result               it               requires               mental               processing               through               a               punishing               bout               of               research               and               the               fervid               taking               of               notes.

The               most               recent               topics               to               beset               me               were               the               nature               of               the               giants               of               Genesis               6:4,               and               the               spread               of               pagan               religion               following               the               destruction               of               the               Tower               of               Babel               when               God               confused               the               languages,               and               I               couldn't               wait               to               be               free               of               them.

As               a               general               rule               I'm               most               content               when               at               peace               with               my               faith,               and               least               while               lost               in               an               endless               quest               for               cyber-knowledge               with               one               page               linking               incessantly               to               the               other               until               information               overload               becomes               a               serious               threat.

From               time               to               time,               however,               I'm               tempted               to               venture               beyond               my               comfort               zone               into               the               mysteries               of               the               Bible               and               history.

It's               hard               for               the               intellectually               curious               to               resist               doing               this,               and               according               to               the               Bible,               knowledge               shall               increase               (Daniel               12:4)               in               the               time               before               the               Second               Coming               of               Christ,               and               this               may               well               be               via               the               miraculous               medium               of               the               World               Wide               Web.


               There's               really               not               a               whole               lot               left               to               add               to               this               particular               piece               of               writing.

Some               months               ago,               I               started               work               on               a               second               volume               of               memoirs,               this               one               being               woefully               inadequate               as               a               full               account               of               my               existence,               although               quite               successful               as               an               undercoat.

That               said,               whether               future               layers               will               ever               actually               be               applied               to               it               remains               to               be               seen.

It               may               just               be               that               writing               will               be               sidelined               in               the               same               way               that               music               has               since               2006,               but               then               that's               highly               unlikely.

Writing               is               something               I've               wanted               to               do               since               I               was               about               17,               and               now               that               I'm               finally               able               to               bare               my               soul               to               the               world               thanks               to               the               miraculous               magnificence               of               the               internet,               the               chances               of               my               lapsing               into               cyber-obscurity               are               pretty               slim.


               In               conclusion,               for               anyone               still               interested,               I'll               be               resuming               work               on               my               second               autobiographical               volume               as               soon               as               I'm               done               with               the               "Rescue"...and               I               do               hope               there               is...someone               who's               persevered               this               far               I               mean.

After               all,               it's               not               just               about               me;               this               is               a               testimony               more               than               anything               else.

And               one               that's               now               at               an               end.






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